| The sun will rise again... |
[10 Dec 2007|12:00am] |
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mood |
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Oh dear god, I haven't updated this thing in a very... very... long time. I even was reading my old journal gabrielquartz and it just stunned me what has changed. And I don't even know where to start...
Right now, I'm living in a two bedroom apartment, still in Derby, working a 40 hr job, taking care of the family. My almost-2 year old son is passed out on the couch with his father and I'm still here. Infront of the same-old computer screen.
Let's see, my last entry was Feb 8th 2006 where we were living on Revere, we moved from there to live on Sturgeon Pt. That was a complete joke, not only did we have people constantly coming in and out living there we had snakes in the basement, mice in the walls, the floor was caving in and there was no shower, only a bath. We took the year of hell, and moved into these apartments this past August. Since Feb 2006 I've had my baby son Darrell Alan who is nothing close to a baby anymore. He's the size of a 3 year old and I'm not joking. He's a holy terror (quoted from Tony) but a sweet and extremely smart angel of mine. He picks up anything he could possible get out of people and is just a little human now.
I've had 4 jobs in the past 2 years. McDonalds which was another joke, lasted a whole 3 weeks. Good god, I was working with Tony's brother AJ and his cousin Ashley. All hell broke loose there, never work with your in-laws. Citigroup, which was a very good job but it was only part-time and temp. If I could of gotten it full-time, perm and 1st shift I would of stayed.. but it just wasn't possible. Then I worked for a collection agency called ASG, that place IS a joke. And now I'm working for Niagara Credit solutions as payment processing. Not on the phone, 9-6 job five days a week making good money.
Things are changing even now, I don't want to say anything until after the holidays. But it's going to be big, West Seneca here I come.
I'll keep updating everything, and I want to start venting more here rather than people because people have mouths, and they talk.
God bless and good night
~Binko
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| Kicking baby |
[08 Feb 2006|09:21pm] |
The baby has not stopped kicking in the past two days, it's werid. When I'm stressed out the baby barely moves but when I'm happy and having a good time with Tony or just generally happy, the baby doesn't stop moving. The kicking last night was surprising because at five months you usually don't see the kicks but we did.
Were getting ready to go on our honeymoon, I'm a little werided out by the fact that I'll be meeting another one of Tony's ex-girlfriends. Okay, his best friend's wife is his ex, my friend Christina is his ex, this girl Katrina that were meeting in Florida is his ex, Nikki who I met at the wedding is his ex. Usually when you break up with someone you just leave and go on your seperate lives, these girls follow him around!!
Ugh, so tired. To much laundry to do and I'm falling asleep. I'll update tommarow or something.
~Katie
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| It's been a while... |
[08 Feb 2006|12:21am] |
Dear god it’s been a while since I’ve updated this thing. Ever since my last update everything that could of happened, happened. I’m now not a single lady anymore, and I’m seriously talking out of the whole crock pot of love. Married life is different, strange, but comforting. I can wake up to the same wonderful man every night and fall asleep knowing that he’ll be there when I wake up.
I met Tony at a friend’s house where I was the last time I updated my livejournal. Through the idiocy and the drama I had found him in the midst of all of that, leaving my boyfriend at the time and moving out. We were being asked for money and then treated like shit, they didn’t even have the decency to be nice to us. My friends at the time had told me over and over to leave Charlie but then when it came down to it, I left him, I was treated like shit because of the man I went to.
I left to his parent’s house where I dropped out of school because of all the chaos in my life, I couldn’t be up until 3am every night wondering where I’ll be living next and then going to school at 7 in the morning, sleeping through my classes. I was planning on going back in January but that didn’t really happen. After his parent’s house, Tony and I went to stay at his friend Christina’s house, now one of my very good friends. We stayed there for close to a month and then finally found a place in Lakeview next to Tony’s parents.
Did I mention I left my grandmother’s house? It was a mutual decision where she and I weren’t getting along and we just both decided that if I didn’t want to stay there anymore, then I wouldn’t. She couldn’t stop me, she didn’t want to stop me, but as long as I tell her where I was, she’d be alright. Ironically after I stayed with Tony, I started seeing my grandmother more and caring about what happens. The people who I was with before him thought my grandmother was a bitch who didn’t care about me but in truth she was like any parent, worried.
The apartment in Lakeview was terrible, it was a efficiency apartment where it only had one bedroom, a small ass living room, no dining room or eating area, and a very small kitchen. During the time in Lakeview Tony and I had gotten engaged, I asked him to marry me. But we were only planning on getting married in a few years, it was never expected that I’d bring home a pregnancy test and then find out that, gasp, I’m having a baby.
That had completely driven me nuts. I couldn’t believe I was actually pregnant, all this time I was trying to be so careful but after last summer I just didn’t care. Having children was apart of life, it finally hit me. I wasn’t going to be hated by society, by my family entirely, or by my fiancé if I was having a baby. It’s actually turned into a miracle.
We had started looking for a new apartment after Tony’s brother AJ moved in and his other brother John was looking to move in with us. We had found this place, a small little cottage in Derby. I love it, it’s old but it has character. In the process of it all, Tony’s sister had moved in with us because of complications with her living arrangements. But that hadn’t lasted long.
So the day finally came, January 14th 2006. Tony and I had gotten hitched at the McKinley Inn, all of his siblings had stood up for us as well as his friend Ducky, and our friend Christina. Tony’s best friend Rick had been his best man and my best friend Kristin had been my maid of honour. Kristin all through high school had been the one person I always went back to whenever anything happened. After all of the friends I’ve been through, all of the “circles” in high school we someone managed to come out of it together. Ironically, the day I found out that I was pregnant, she had called me and told me she was pregnant. Were going through this together and it feels good to have someone my age to compare to rather than someone literly ten years older than me.
Yes, my husband is 27. He’s old, it’s obvious. I’m young but it doesn’t matter to the both of us. We have fun, we go through live having a good time and we just enjoy eachother. My entire life I had to grow up fast, and I decided to keep that going. Lol.
The wedding was beautiful, things haven’t been the same since. Tony’s sister Liz and AJ had moved out after an argument, it’s been quiet but not as quiet as it was when they first left. Life isn’t as dramatic.
I’m happy, people keep asking me if I’m happy, I am. I’m not in that incredibly oblivious stage where I care about nothing but Tony, I do still want to go to school next fall but online courses. I do still talk to my family but not as much as I use to. I do still want to work but right now I’m more or less concentrating for my hectic life to come in June after the baby is born.
It’s the sort of happiness where I’m comfortable with it, that I know that after the first year, after the first five years, after the first decade we’ll still be able to talk to eachother, and to enjoy eachother’s company.
I’m going to be writing in this journal more often, the hormones have been getting to me that I’ve been crying a lot and more emotional to everything. Rather than screaming at Tony for hours on end I’ve decided to let my anger out in what I used to, word.
So this is my life, I love it. I hope that this will be interesting to read on how much I’ve changed and how mature I’ve gotten in the past year.
~Katie
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| I can't see your face behind the tears -- You need to look up because you can |
[15 Jul 2005|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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Silence |
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Why do I remember everything... why is it everytime I look in the mirror I have proof of last night on my fucking neck. I wish I didn't, I wish I didn't hurt so much. I don't know why I hurt so much... it just hurts. They don't understand anymore why my life has to be this way, good things happen and then they die.
Die... I just want to...
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| You know you want to |
[29 Jun 2005|10:18pm] |
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mood |
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indifferent |
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Post anonymously or with your name, say anything.
How much you hate me, how much you love me, how much you can't stand me, how much more you want to spend time/talk with me.
Whatever.
Be brutally honest.
Post this in your livejournal to find out what people think about you
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